Prayer Backer

I lost mom on 3^rd of February due to complications of pneumonia she’s’ got from lying on her death bed since the heart attack 6 days past. I never left her side since day one. She’s the mom I’ve known since I got my senses and just the thought of “I might lose her” is only disheartening and the least I can do is to stay beside her.

Mommy is not my biological mom. She and daddy have volunteered to take care of me since my parents cannot afford to, due to their work requirements. We are usually lent to our relatives when we were young. Mommy has been suffering Alzheimer’s disease for years and I am proud that I’m one of those she never fails to remember. She knows me so well and my stubborn days are clear to her. She’s the disciplinarian while daddy is my Thor, my shield from the tyrant. When daddy died when I was five, I gained another parents with their daughter mama and her tart, papa.

The picture of mommy when she suffered seizure is still vivid. I never thought I would find happiness in a ventilator. Every pump means only hope to me and her tiny gestures are like priceless moments. But mommy only got worse, depending more from the apparatus since the seizure. Her body is numb from the medications and the hope I’m getting from the ventilator is wee.  The breath pumps are slowing down and my only respond is to pray for her better. But just when I thought the Lord has heard me, the doctor took that speck of hope away when he announced that at the rate mommy’s going, she cannot make it and will be giving up any time soon. The insensitivity of him to even ask would we wish to unplug the apparatus to curb her pain is only but an arrogant act to me. How can he gain the nerves to share those thoughts to us? Did he just say, kill her? What if is he’s in our shoes, can he even bear to listen to those words he just uttered?

I can’t help but cry and question the Lord on his will. I recall his miracles and even reconfirm his real will for mom- so we have decided to do the natural way, maintain the cables and go on with the medications. If the Lord’s will is to take her away from her pain, protect her from the bullies of this world who do not understand what is Alzheimer’s disease and to let her eat as much sweets she would like without worrying her diabetes - then the Lord will take her to heaven, where a family reunion awaits with her union with daddy, her eldest, Kuya Ram and her youngest, Kuya Jong – and yes the Lord’s grander plan is painful but the thought of her salvation and eternity with the Lord made me still. I am certain that she is in peace there.

I missed her bad. I missed her sweet goodbyes when I leave for office everyday and her warm welcome “nandiyan na ang poborito kong pamangkin” when I come home. Even the neighbors missed her waves when they pass by her seat outside our house. I can only wish one more day or even one more hour to spare her my patience, say as much I love you’s and thank you’s, but I know when she looked down from heaven, she is proud and happy to where I am now. At least, she is closer to the Lord now- she’ll be our prayer backer in heaven. She can make “kulit” the Lord na to answer our prayers.

Until we meet again mom. Until I can hug, kiss and pinch on your cheeks again.

I love you everyday,

Ariz